Monday, July 20, 2009

Feeling better

So everyone told me to just get over Derek. It was his loss but that just wasn't enough for me. I had no self-esteem and no hope of ever getting into another relationship. In September of 2008 I went on my first date after meeting a guy in a bar. We got along wonderfully and I thought see, things are going to be just fine. I'm not going to have any problem getting in a new relationship. Well after 2 weeks his ex girlfriend of 7 years found out he went on a date with me and told me that he was sorry but it wasn't going to work. Talk about sick to my stomach. I thought oh well I will be fine. In November I had a stroke and my ex thought I was faking it because it was a way to get him back. Well that was seriously upsetting but I have to say made it a lot easier for me to start the process of really getting over him. I want a family, I want to feel loved when will it be my turn? I know I'm not the only one in my position but sometimes I feel like it. I have recently met a bunch of single mom friends that are a couple years older than me. They too want a new family and more children. It makes me feel good that I'm not the only one with these desires. My biological clock isn't ticking to loudly but it's still ticking. I had my first children over 7 years ago so it feels like I should be in a totally different spot in my life. My friends all say I need to gain confidence and not worry so much about what people think of me, but it's to hard for me. I just don't know how to do that. I see guys that I'm interested in and I'm even hanging out with some guys I'm interested in but those guys have no interest in me except for as a friend. That sucks!!

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